did you get engaged???
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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