R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize