how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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