I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
