If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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