i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
