I just cut my nipple shaving
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize