he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
