I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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