He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
