Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
