I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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