OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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