She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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