So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
