So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
