Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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