Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just gift wrapped bread.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
