The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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