i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i've created a new STD.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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