your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
