I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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