Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
