hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
