This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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