So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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