We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
