I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize