I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
