This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
