So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
