OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
