just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
