yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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