She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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