i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
