To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize