Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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