I just pynch a tree in the face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
