I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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