Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
