the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
