I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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