The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dicks are not precious.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
