I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
