The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
