So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize