Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
