I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
