Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
