somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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