Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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