I accidentally burped into my bong.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Boobs speak an international language.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
