If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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