I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
