just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you never un-have a 4some
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
