i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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