escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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