you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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