it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize