I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
