Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
