Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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