I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
