Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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