im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
