After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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