I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
