I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
