well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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