normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize