"it" just moved
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
