I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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