Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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