think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't deserve a penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
