doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
