What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
