My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
