...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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