i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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