if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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