Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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