About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize