Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
