my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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