I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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