you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
