I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
