I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How's work?
Spinning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
