Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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