we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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