idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need water and some morals
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
