This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
