it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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