How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
