is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
