if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
