Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found the puke drawer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
